Mocked Running News Story

School hostage crisis ends in bloodbath

One man has been gunned down and two people injured in major hostage crisis at a Dorset school today.

It took 17 shots from armed police to bring an end to a bloody siege which occurred today at the Talbot Village Primary school.

The first man was shot after a “domestic dispute”, which was seen by Ian Rogerson, a resident of Talbot Village.

Mr. Rogerson saw a man walking through Talbot Village looking ‘very agitated’, followed by a “balding, quite chubby man with a shotgun”.

After screaming ‘stay away from my wife’, the gunman shot the victim in the buttocks.

Losing sight of the victim as he dove into a hedge, the gunman assumed he had run into the local school and proceeded to enter the grounds.

The gunman proceeded to hold a first year class of children and their staff hostage. After a police negotiator spoke to the gunman through a school window, he agreed to let the remainder of the children go.

More shots were fired around this time, but Assistant Chief Constable Alan Rose insists this was merely “bravado” from the gunman, although he does admit that a school staff member suffered laceration and grazes to the arms and face as a result.

Alone in the building, the gunman resolved to come out peacefully if he could speak to his wife, who was brought by police from Dorchester to speak to him via radio link.

The man agreed to leave the building and surrender himself, but was shot 17 times by six armed officers after taking aim at a police officer and refusing lower his firearm.

None of the children or school staff was witness to the shooting.

The man’s wife is currently being comforted by the police.